Epitaphs once played key role in funeral etiquette

Defined by the dictionary as “an inscription in memory of a dead person”, the epitaph once played a key role in funeral etiquette.

While the “bottom line” chosen for the majority of contemporary monuments is, usually, brief and general in nature, epitaphs of the 19th century were lengthy and highly descriptive.

Most often written by a paid expert, specializing in funerary verse, and occasionally, by their subject, these verses continue to inform and amuse.

In Everybody’s Book of Epitaphs – Being for the Most Part What the Living Think of the Dead, W. H. Howe has compiled a fascinating collection of unique tributes to the deceased. Ranging from the lofty to the lugubrious, these lines from “Cities of the Dead” provide surprisingly lively reading material.

Parting words for the common man are duly noted in Howe’s book, under the heading Curious Epitaphs. Included are the following:

From Elton Churchyard:

Here lies my wife earthly mould, Who, when she liv’d did naught but scold, Peace, wake her not, for now she’s still, She had, but now I have, my will.

From the monument of Owen Moore:

Owen Moore is gone Oway, Owin’ more than he could pay.

From Bideyard Churchyard, Devon:

The wedding day appointed was, And wedding clothes provided.

But ‘ere the day did come, alas!

He sicken and he die did.

Not all verse was humorous. These sad lines were found on the monument for an eight-month-old infant:

Since I have been so quickly done for,              I wonder what I was begun for.

A mournful bachelor penned this verse for his stone:

At threescore winters’ end I died A cheerless being, sole and sad

The nuptial knot I never tied

And wish my father never had.

The contemporary memorialist seldom is asked to engrave such original verse. There is speculation that the rather bland and abbreviated information, appearing on later-day stones is reflective of today’s fast-paced society, where E-mail, not letter writing is the order of the day.

Occasionally, the simple verses favoured by most modern families are replaced by more personal tributes to the deceased. Among these can be found “Gone Fishing”, “Gone Hunting”, “Leave the Light On” (for an inveterate card player) and “She Liked Things Tidy” (for a scrupulously clean homemaker).

When it comes to the bottom line, it’s difficult to outdo this humorous accident of verse. An elderly gentleman had instructed the memorialist that the epitaph for his late wife was to read “God, She Was Thine”. The monument dealer errored and, instead, chiseled “God, She Was Thin”. The irate customer called to say a mistake her been made. “You forgot the ‘e’ in it.” he stressed. The memorialist redid the inscription and when the husband viewed it, for the second time, was amazed to discover this line: “EGod, She Was Thin”.

For a first-hand look at some of the colourful epitaphs to be found on monuments in this area, take a Sunday stroll through local cemeteries. While you may not discover lines to compare with some of those mentioned here, you are sure to find imaginative memorial verses from the past.

Picton’s Glenwood Cemetery, the Old Church of St. Mary Magdalene Cemetery in Macaulay Heritage Park and several of small, rural cemeteries, such as Cherry Valley and Bloomfield’s Quaker Universalist and Hicksite Cemeteries offer interesting examples of early memorialization. The churchyard cemetery at The White Chapel has one of the few remaining wooden grave markers in Ontario, while in Glenwood can be found the monument of Letitia Youmans, one of Canada’s early temperance pioneers.

Each year, cemetery walking tours are held in various communities throughout the Quinte region. These group events provide a wealth of information on early-day memorialization. Your local historical society will provide you with information regarding upcoming walks.

In the 19th century, cemeteries took the place of the modern-day park, in offering families a tranquil and beautiful place to walk leisurely, on a Sunday afternoon. Today, a growing number of people are rediscovering the pleasure to be found in a Sunday stroll in their community’s cemeteries.

Margaret E. Haylock is a past member of the Glenwood Cemetery board, in Picton, and a memorial consultant with the Campbell Monument Company. She and her husband, Alan F. Capon are the authors of three local history books.

*Story originally published in The Trentonian, Monday, August 18, 1997